Monday, March 24, 2003
Hmmmmmm
Someone asked me recently WHY - WHY do you stay if you are so unhappy - treated so miserably - deserve SOO much more... I have been pondering this question for a bit now.... the answer?? Not really sure - familiarity, fear of the unknown, finances, stupidity, stubborness, an unwillingness to quit... Perhaps a bit of all.... and deep down I DO still love E.. Somewhere under all the damage ravaged by his disease there IS a nice guy, someone that deserves to be loved unconditionally just as much as I do... To be honest I really can't answer the why fully but I can say that for all my hesitation to NOT leave that I AM starting to reach the end of the line where what could be won't be enough anymore... How long that could take is anyone's guess though, even mine...
Deven - again!!
I had to go get Deven again... seems he had another tantrum... I really need to sit down w/school regarding all this... What are we teaching Deven?? That he can get frustrated over something, throw a tantrum and be removed from class - Oh yeah!! We want him to learn this - soon he'll stop even trying before he throws the tantrum... and we DON"T withhold recess from him as punishment... that is a HUGE NO NO w/ADHD children - hell it's all of 15 min each day anyway!!!! AND to top it all off - the teacher KNOWS he was off his meds and just started a new one so she is gonna punish him for not being able to sit in his seat??? *sigh* The emotional toll this is taking on ME is starting to weigh heavily... I just wanna cry - my sweet, energetic and loving baby is having rages that are soo intense they scare the class (him as well I am SURE) - and I am sure it's all part of being frustrated over his lack of ability to do the same things as his friends....
Well it's off to pick up Dilen and cook something for dinner... Til next time...
Someone asked me recently WHY - WHY do you stay if you are so unhappy - treated so miserably - deserve SOO much more... I have been pondering this question for a bit now.... the answer?? Not really sure - familiarity, fear of the unknown, finances, stupidity, stubborness, an unwillingness to quit... Perhaps a bit of all.... and deep down I DO still love E.. Somewhere under all the damage ravaged by his disease there IS a nice guy, someone that deserves to be loved unconditionally just as much as I do... To be honest I really can't answer the why fully but I can say that for all my hesitation to NOT leave that I AM starting to reach the end of the line where what could be won't be enough anymore... How long that could take is anyone's guess though, even mine...
Deven - again!!
I had to go get Deven again... seems he had another tantrum... I really need to sit down w/school regarding all this... What are we teaching Deven?? That he can get frustrated over something, throw a tantrum and be removed from class - Oh yeah!! We want him to learn this - soon he'll stop even trying before he throws the tantrum... and we DON"T withhold recess from him as punishment... that is a HUGE NO NO w/ADHD children - hell it's all of 15 min each day anyway!!!! AND to top it all off - the teacher KNOWS he was off his meds and just started a new one so she is gonna punish him for not being able to sit in his seat??? *sigh* The emotional toll this is taking on ME is starting to weigh heavily... I just wanna cry - my sweet, energetic and loving baby is having rages that are soo intense they scare the class (him as well I am SURE) - and I am sure it's all part of being frustrated over his lack of ability to do the same things as his friends....
Well it's off to pick up Dilen and cook something for dinner... Til next time...
